So, I've been thinking...(I know, that's scary, isn't it?) You know the saying “One bad apple spoils the whole bunch?” It really is true. It can be taken both figuratively and literally.
Say you pick up a bag of grapes and you start to examine it. You see a bunch of really good-looking grapes, but there is this one nasty, ugly, shriveled up one in the middle that just looks like it’ll make you sick if you even touch it. So, you find yourself putting down the bag and picking up a new one to examine, even though all the other ones looked fine. That’s just the human thing to do. (At least, it is in my family...) But figuratively, it’s a whole different ballgame.
For example, every kid in the school could be a brilliant, rule-following, perfect little child. But, there is that one kid in class. Because of that one annoying child that started throwing pudding at the sixth-grade picnic, the school board decides that all sixth-graders are suddenly too immature to be able to handle the picnic, thus it is permanently canceled so no other good little children may enjoy it in the future. All because one kid did something stupid. (Or, they just ban pudding, which would be very depressing to all pudding-loving parties involved.)
Sound familiar?
There is always going to be that one kid in class that messes up a good thing for everyone else. That one “bad apple” that spoils a good thing. That one grape that makes you pick up a new bag.
Or, no matter how many or how amazing your memories of someone are, you can have that one memory of him or her that completely changes the way you see that person. That one incident that might completely spoil every other good memory you have with or of that person.
Think about it. It's true isn't it?
Choose any person. Your best friend, maybe. Think about all the wonderful amazing sleep-overs or trips to the amusements park or parties or stupid random stuff you did on the playground and the stupid inside jokes that no one else understands and that make you look like a complete idiot. All wonderful fun stuff right? Go on.
I mean it.
Take a minute to do so.
I can wait.
.
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.
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Now, to prove my point, with all those happy memories, at least one bad one popped up. Maybe a fight you had one night or that person did something you didn't expect/was a total turn-off when it comes to you actually choosing your friends. That one thing could completely change your opinion of your best friend.
And it isn't just your best friend. Maybe it's something your cousin, big brother, neighbor, sister-in-law, grandma, uncle, girlfriend, twin, dad, or evil-step-mother did. There could be an infinite number of things, on one event, big or small, that changed the way you view that person. Be it for a short period of time, or something that completely changes the way you look at someone for the rest of your life.
Maybe it completely destroyed your relationship with that person or maybe you've stayed the same, or your bond has gotten even stronger. But it still pops up whenever you think of that person.
Both figuratively and literally, I wish that one bad apple didn't spoil the whole bunch. It really is hard sometimes to remember the good times over the bad times. Why does one mistake have to define us? Forgive and forget doesn't exist. When it comes to the mistakes or wrong-doings of others (and even ourselves, on occasion) we're like elephants. We have incredible memories. So, why do we have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to good deeds and moments that were happy?
Perhaps the explanation actually lies in our brains. It could be the same reason that we're prone to remember nightmares more frequently and more clearly (with more details) than we can dreams that are just amazing and relaxing.
I mean, I couldn't tell you much about any dreams I had last week, or even the one I had last night. But I can remember nightmares I had from back when I was a kid.
I had a nightmare once when my little brother was a baby about a gigantic brown bear chasing and eating me.
And there was the one I had when my family and I spent the night somewhere in Wisconsin. My mom said that I was kicking her in my sleep. Why? I was running through a hedge maze with some dark mist following me. The Power Rangers showed up to save me but they lasted long enough to get in front of me. Then they died and I woke up. That's the one of the only two things I actually remember about that trip. (That one is actually rather amusing to me now, but when I had it, it scared the pants off of me. Don't judge me.)
And many more nightmares. And yet, I can't give a single example of a good dream that I've had off the top of my head. It'd be interesting to have a dream journal; but I usually only write down or type up the ones that were either really interesting of just off-the-wall, in general. I don't remember those until I go back and re-read them.
Specifically, we're more likely to remember nightmares than dreams for several reasons. One of them is the jolting-awake that a nightmare often causes makes you wake up in the middle of the REM (Rapid Eye Movement-the absolute deepest stage of sleep you can be in; the stage of sleep in which dreams usually occur, but also the stage where your brain processes and stores the events of that day.) stage of sleep, and when this happens, your brain records it better.
As for bad memories of someone, those moments in general that stick out (for example, something really funny, sad, nerve-wracking, pleasing, or just infuriating) in your head for the rest of time: why do we remember those? There are several theories out there. It could be that our brain responds better to higher charges of emotions. Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing 13 years ago yesterday. September 11, 2001 was the most terrifying moment for America in this decade. Now, I was six, so, naturally (in part because I was so young and just didn't understand what was going on) my memories of the event are rather vague. But the terror, horror, and mere shock (among a mix of many more emotions) is forever ingrained in the minds and hearts of most Americans.
Now, I'm aware that 9/11 is a very extreme example. So, say the family dog died when you were seven, or your best friend moved to another state when you were 12. Perhaps when you were three you kicked a yellow jacket's nest and experienced the wrath of bees. I'll bet you remember those days very well. So, the overcharge of emotion you may have felt engraves itself in your brain more than the first time you tasted your favorite food or the day you met your neighbors. Why is this? Well, serious emotions like those trigger more brain action in the most memory-related parts of the brain.
It's kind of a survival thing.
That fight that you had with your friend could have been pretty hard on your emotions at that time, thus triggering that part of the brain.
Part of those dark parts of your relationships with people or that one bad thing that ruined your day is that you let it. You've already thought about that one thing earlier in this blahg. It's all a matter of keeping perspective.
Today could have been going so well and then you spilled a glass of milk. That one embarrassing moment with people looking at you might ruin your whole day, or so it feels like. The key is taking a step back after a moment or two and comparing that one thing to all the good things that happened that day.
Is crying over a glass of spilled milk really worth spoiling all the good things that took place earlier in the day, as well as all the things that may possibly come after it?
Personally, I really don't think so.
One bad apple shouldn't define the whole bunch. It's easy enough to toss it out of that group. Let the rest of the good, juicy, sweet apples define what you really have.
Hannah Haugen
The Daily Blahgger
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